1. |
Saxon Genitive
03:34
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Have you met my friend, Mr. Genitive?
He's a Saxon, through and through
You'll find him a little possessive
But that's actually good news
Because you might know him better as apostrophe "S"
And he's here to show you the way
And If your don't want your writing to turn into a mess
Come and hear what he's got to say:
Apostrophe "S" is the general rule
For showing what people own
But for a sybillant ending, don't ya be a fool
The apostrophe stands alone
Let's talk about the basic conception
For showing possession in writing
With not very many exceptions
Just add apostrophe "S," how exciting [not really]
But when the noun that has possession ends with a sound
Like "Z" in "Kids" and "S" in "Press"
Use an apostrophe alone, no sense in making a crowd
By adding an additional "S"
[Chorus]
If Annie bought a new pair of shoes those are Annie's shoes! (A-N-N-I-E apostrophe "S")
If James owns a shrew, that's James' shrew! (J-A-M-E-S apostrophe)
If you wanna refer to my terrible singing, that's Bud's terrible singing! (B-U-D then add apostrophe "S")
If you're talkin' 'bout what Jesus taught, those would be Jesus' teachings! (J-E-S-U-S apopstrophe)
If Sally has a tomato, it's Sally's tomato (S-A-L-L-Y apostrophe "S")
If Ed stole your potato, I'd yell 'Hey! That's his potato!" (Wait a second...)
Remember how I previously mentioned
That there was an exception or two (or eight)
Well now that I've got your attention
Let's talk about pronouns too
You've gotta know possessive pronouns, don't be caught unawares
There's only eight, not nine
Remember: Whose, his, hers, its, ours and theirs
And don't forget yours and mine
Apostrophe "S" is the general rule
For showing what people own
But for pronouns like "yours," "his," "hers," and "its" too
The apostrophe stands alone
Apostrophe "S" is the general rule
For showing what people own
But for a sybillant ending, don't ya be a fool
The apostrophe stands alone
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2. |
Old Habits Hardly Die
02:57
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When you were just a kid in grammar school
A young and impressionable mind
You may have heard your teacher mention this rule
To help you out of a spelling bind
It goes: "I" before "E," except after "C"
That's all you need to know, because teacher said so
Just memorize this mnemonic device
And you'll never have to worry again
Why would I lie?
It's been a few years, not a kid anymore
Your vocabulary started expanding
You've learned a few words, maybe eight or more
That defy this rule's understanding
Now it goes: "I" before "E," except after "C"
Or when sounded like "A," as in "neighbor" and "weigh"
Just memorize this mnemonic device
And you'll never have to worry again
Why would I lie?
Whether you're a theist or an atheist
You still break this rule every day
Neither height, nor sleight got the memo on this
That's kind of weird, wouldn't you say?
It goes: "I" before "E," except after "C"
Or when sounded like "A," as in "neighbor" and "weigh"
When "E"'s first in line, you never use the short "I"
If I hear another stupid exception
I'm gonna cry
Let either financier inveigle the Shiekh
Into seizing species of foreign leisure
The neighbor's heifer seized the deficient caffeine
So now the ancient glacier's having a seizure
[Chorus 2x]
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3. |
Well And Good
02:56
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Hey there, how are you doing?
I'm doing good.
Does that mean that you're doing something good?
No, i mean to say my life is running smoothly
Well if you'll please excuse me, i misunderstood
That's quite alright
Well if you dislike the ambiguity inherent in your speech
You might take care to modify it
What did I?
It won't take very long
In fact, i've gone to the trouble to write this song to say:
That's all well and good
But well and good have rules, you know?
To find out which one is apropos
Let's remember where the subject goes
So what do you mean?
Well, you see, the word "good" is an adjective
Can i ask what that is?
I hoped you would!
It's a word that describes nouns or pronouns like 'stew' or 'tree'
Like you or me?
You got it!
I knew I could! But what's your point?
See, there's a word with a similar perspective
It's called "well," but it isn't an adjective
Well, what is it?
It's an adverb! It describes and modifies adjectives and verbs:
[Chorus]
If I ask how you're doing
Then I'm doing well
That's right, the verb "to do" is modified
If i tell you that I'm good...
That's right again, because you see that an adjective
Describes nouns and pronouns like you and me!
[Chorus 2x]
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4. |
Than Vs. Then
03:06
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Woke up this morning, then put on my shoes
Turned on the T.V., then I heard the news
Seems things are worse than I'd ever foresee
An abject rejection of literacy
Typographic butchery
Kids these days, I'm afraid, make me sad when
They don't know the difference between than and then
So here's a reminder I've put in this rhyme
The "A" one's comparative, "E" refers to time
Take out the garbage, then clean up your room
I find the word "who" less annoying than whom
You see how "then" teaches you the order of things?
And the other "than" shows you the difference between
Restore order and you'll see
[Chorus]
[Musical Break]
[Chorus 2x]
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5. |
Former Ladders
01:26
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When you're talkin'
About two things
Like Colorado
And Saratoga Springs
And you
Want to say
Either one
In another way
Just remember:
The former is the first
They've both got Fs just like Fred Durst
The latter is the last
Link the Ls like the low, low brass
If you're ever in danger of forgetting which is which
Just remember, remember this when asked:
The former is the first
The latter is the last
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6. |
Parts Of Speech
02:14
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It's Friday night, doing nothing tonight
Jersey Shore's on, rotting my brain
Now i'm thinkin' 'let's get out for the weekend'
Before i start to go insane
So I called up my buddy Herb (he's a verb)
But he's way too busy for me
And then there's Viv, the adjective
But she's the chattiest fish in the sea
Life is quite strange, as you can see
When your friends are all lexical categories
Instead of hangin' out, or chillin' out at the beach
You're stuck mincing words with the parts of speech
So I went downtown to see Johnny the noun
He's my best pal, that's no lie
Says he can't come play, 'cause he's got to update
His resume for the billionth time
So i thought "Well, there's Shaun, the conjunction..."
He's indecisive to say the least
We tried to find a place to stuff our faces
But he couldn't figure out what to eat
[Chorus]
This is not ripped off
This is not ripped off
I did not rip this off
Not at all, it's original
Totally original
[Chorus x2]
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7. |
The Troll Song
02:52
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I've been making videos for a long, long time
Existing peacefully, the trolls are paying me no mind
But lately i must have said something
That pushed you over the line
Because now you've gone and posted something
That really blows my mind
It says, "Your gay."
Dude, it's Y-O-U apostrophe R-E
Why is that so hard for Y-O-U to see?
It's killing me
You're an insult to indignity
If you say Y-O-U-R gay
You could mean my gay cousin out in Saint-Tropez
If you're gonna be a troll, at least
Do it properly
So against my better judgment, I write a reply
Explaining gracefully how trolls need to L-2 type
But later that day, oh, the irony
I sit back, laugh and sigh
Because your retort is just the sort
That could really catch my eye
It says, "You're mom."
Dude, it's Y-O-U-R possessively
Why is that so hard for Y-O-U to see?
It's killing me
You're an insult to indignity
Y-O-U apostrophe R-E mom means
That you're calling me a mom, but that's not funny
If you're gonna be a troll, at least
Do it properly
I shouldn't have to point this out every single time
I see that Y-O-U apostrophe R-E online
But when we're talking about trolls on the internet
I guess I shouldn't expect the use of good English
So if you see a troll, just use
The handy ignore list
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